People get angry.
Sometimes they get angry at themselves, sometimes it’s others and sometimes it’s at you.
Anger is just an emotion, we are allowed to express it. But sometimes people haven’t learnt how to express it freely and with a little love thrown in, so it comes out in an aggressive way.
But what do you do when someone, especially the one you love, takes their anger out on you? Making you feel guilty and sorry.
Here is the first thing.. only YOU can make you feel guilty and sorry. You can choose to buy into their anger or to stand up for yourself.
Anger is often a defence, we isolate, throw down the hatches of our hearts and look outside ourselves for the reason things are going so wrong. Then we place the blame on the most obvious target. Which is very often a loved one.
The target then feels attacked. So they put up their defences- take the choice of 2-anger rising and
being thrown, or a withdraw and hide, taking on everything that is said.
But what happens when a defensive heart meets an open heart?
But how do you keep an open heart when an aggressive energy is being thrown at you?
1. It’s not about you – this is an emotion being displayed in a defensive way – nothing else.
2. If there is a valid point to what they are saying – explain that you hear them and that you are prepared to take it on/ talk/do something about it.
3. Energetically surround yourself in light/ in a bubble/ deflect their words. If it’s unsafe, leave.
4. Meet their energy with a soft and gentle one. Listen with inner strength. If you fight back – words won’t be heard, it just becomes a war of defences.
5. When the heat of the moment passes, explain in an openly communicative way that you didn’t like the way they spoke to you because it made you feel……. (NB. if you attack them at this stage then the defences will just go up again)
A wonderful post was flying around facebook last week which I will also share:
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’
The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper ‘n they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other ‘n that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
He looked at his disciples and said:
‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’
Meet the anger with an open heart and the aggressiveness will have no power.
Warmth and Joy